“2013 is make or break” | Phoenix Flights

Found another one. I actually do belong to a community out there:


Started 2013 with nothing, have 12 months to create a life worth getting out of bed for. Can a depressive, paranoid, frightened, self destructive old bird rise like a Phoenix from the ashes and learn to live again? Over to you 2013…..



5 thoughts on ““2013 is make or break” | Phoenix Flights

    • thx. i have a feeling i’ll be relying a lot on this community to keep me going the next little while.

      was absolutely devoured by anxiety this a.m. fatigue and anxiety = not being able to get out of bed until after 11 a.m. luckily, i didn’t have to leave home for work today.

      i just wanna make it stop, ya know? just wake up every day feeling powerful, confident, ready to take on the world. i’ve had days like that in the past …

      until such days return to me, i’m glad folks like you are out there. i have no other community at the moment. i’m sure that doesn’t come as a surprise to others suffering from depression.

      • Not at all….

        Are you getting any help, counselling wise? Medication?

        More and more people are coming out and talking about their condition and day to day challenges (lots on here) so you are definitely not alone

      • re: getting help: yup. long-distance (skype) contact roughly every two weeks. psychiatrist. none available to me up in northeastern japan, so i had to contact someone in tokyo. for about 5 or 6 weeks now, i’ve been trying a tricyclic antidepressant (notriptyline). no real effect to speak of. maybe makes my mind a bit sharper and really puts me on edge, so i have to counteract that with an anti-anxiety med (alprazolam, aka xanax in brand form).

        anxiety was already a problem before i contacted this guy. but the .4 mg dosage of alprazolam doesn’t do much for me. i’ll talk to him about that tomorrow. apparently it should be strong enough to keep me from driving, but it doesn’t do much to me at all.

        last time, i talked about this and he mentioned trying another one. i reminded him that i’d only been taking the tca for a few weeks and only worked up to 75 mg; he checked his records and said ‘oh, right.’ so i’m still taking 75 to no effect. i wonder if he’ll bump me to 100 tomorrow (supposedly the ideal dosage for severely depressed people) or start weening me off it to be ready to experiment with some new drug.

        i do what i can for me, too. lots of exercise (running, swimming regularly) and better diet than most. but i’m still feeling very overwhelmed, fatigued, and despondent.

        i long for the person i’ve been in my ‘good periods.’ my gf wishes that guy would come back as well; she loathes the person i’ve been for many months now.

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